dancingwithoedipus asked: You're like the only person who actually gives me good advice. So, advice on getting over a selfish chick who broke my heart? It hurts so bad and she doesn't even care.
Getting over someone is relative
If we feel that drug like infatuation for someone and they leave you with unrequited longing its easier to tell you what you should do rather than expect you to act out those do’s. So consider that, what you might be experiencing is chemically derived.
Also consider that you might be asking the wrong person. I have a very narrow perspective on what love actually is. Which isn’t to say I am not susceptible to strong overpowering feels for another person, but rather that I’ve read too many books to share your appreciation for something that is very much a social construct. I like people for their aesthetics, their attitude problems and penchant for self destruction. It keeps people new. But I’m easily turned off by a lack of manners and bulshit posturing.
So I will tell you this. I get it. It’s an awful feeling to let someone grow into you and then have them be ripped away. Worse still if they don’t want to show they care in anyway. It’s an open wound on the roof of your mouth that you won’t heal because you can’t stop tonguing it (subtle pun not intended).
I’ve acted that way. I left someone for someone, rinsed and repeated the cycle without any actual tact. With a cold front. Strangely a delusional act to hide my own shame. All I cared about is how good it felt to be desired. In fact I fed off of it. Their longing made me even more of a self centered douche bag. It was very much like how Kanye West sings in “Hold my Liquor” when he says “one more fuck and I could own ya”. The full context outlines that when someone is in this mode, they know they can have you and that it makes the person who wants you less desirable to have them at will. It means they’ve surrendered their identity. Perhaps that is how she sees you? Even if it means that person is also alone or having fickle engagements with some basic bitch who could never compare to the substance you hold and the things you actually have in common. So its gonna be hard.
I wish I could tell you that merely pouring yourself into self improvement would help. It won’t. But do it anyway. Reconnect with the friends that you have and try not to burden them with your situation. They’ll listen but 3rd parties can never fully understand what you’re going through. Nevertheless it’s good to talk. From that you might find yourself engaged in some social things that for an hour or two let your mind rest. I mean that person is gonna be on your mind but you’ll also be engaged in the immediate reality. Not some fallen forsaken fantasy of what could’ve or should’ve been. Masturbate. Time is really all you have on your side. For every 6 months divide by 2. If your were together for a year it will be half a year before you really notice you have your identity back. If you were together 2 years expect it to take a year to heal. 4 years to two years etc…etc…etc…
If its been less than six months and all you got is their indifference you might grow to resent them. To a point where you can’t stand the thought of them. But refrain from any passive aggressive texting or instagram, twitter stuff to make them maybe notice you. They’ll notice you and once again be validated. I still get my ego stroked if some old fling asks why it ended the way it did. So do your best to grow from that. It usually happens to rural people. There’s something about being from small cities or the country that makes everyone share their expectations haphazardly. Even if their own experience doesn’t reflect that. Somehow its conditioned that when you’re in something you’re in it with all your limbs. Yet some people are just as content keeping one foot in and one foot out. All the while pandering to the things they think you want to hear. Sometimes its obvious when people do this. It only hurts when you couldn’t tell.
If you’re creative let that be your revenge. If you write well, or can illustrate or play music or I don’t know w/e. Do it. Let your revenge be artistic. It’s really positive. Some of the best things in life are driven by the unrequited heart. As strange as that may seem. The experience lets you get to know what you actually want. It lets you rationalize what is important to you. Maybe you’ll see that the qualities you really liked in that person can easily be found in someone else. You might also see that the qualities you saw in that person were never really there. Whatever the case may be what you will find in time is that you are more in control of your own happiness than you might have thought.
I also won’t lie to you. The world is pretty ugly and as time goes by people will grow bitter and find that they are not the people who they ever envisioned themselves to be. This may seem like a bad thing. That the world makes people grow thick skinned, interdependent yet emotionally unavailable. But it refines as well. You will find some gems along the way. Because that is what its roughness can do. While some succumb to it and crumble to its stresses and pressures some will actually have the character to be honest with you and remain in your life even if they too might break hearts.
Read books, listen to music and try new things. Which isn’t to say one should embrace hedonism. But it can all help pass the time.
If you’re gonna start with anything. Funny books about love are worth it. Try Love in the time of Cholera. It deals with circumstances and unrequitedness really well. Also try movies by Kevin Smith like Chasing Amy and Clerks or whatever romcoms you like. But I guess just don’t give in to the pressures that you should be with someone because you’re seeing your ex out with someone and you shouldn’t be alone. Experiment. But be rational. You’re more attractive than you might feel.
As Kurt Vonnegut says “a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” I hope that as time goes by it will be easier to recognize that you are the first person you should love and that you’ll name a higher price for your heart.
Anyway you caught me post exam drunk. So this is long. Hope you feel better in time.